Wildly Emo

(I try not to do this often.)

No, really, it doesn't get much more upsetting than this. I've had this song for ages, but I think I actually heard the lyrics for the first time last night (it's hard to tell what she's saying, you know, through the screaming ;) ). I cried when I realized what this was about. It goes deep, unfortunately. Hopefully not for much longer.

Evanescence
Lies
From Origin

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again

You will never be strong enough
You will never be good enough
You were never conceived in love
You will not rise above

[CHORUS:]
They'll never see I'll never be
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

But through my tears breaks a blinding light
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstretched, awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you

I'm still sick of myself, as much as I hate to admit it. I'm sick of not being able to just let go. I've tried more than once now, but it never lasts. I keep wondering if there's something...wrong, with me. Like, what if I can't let go? "People do it, people do it all the time," I pleaded.

But I hear that some people never can. Some people never will. I'm told I ask far too much of myself. I'm trying too hard to be something I might not realistically be able to be.

I'm still in denial. Because, suddenly, I don't feel good enough for Him. You can come as you are, but then you're called to change, to put on the new man, to die to yourself.

So why can't I do it?

Oh, I know why. I like far too much what shouldn't be a part of me anymore. I cling to those things as an escape. Just so I don't get to the point where I can't turn around and run. I always leave the door open.

If only shutting it were easier.

I'm just glad no one else is judging me.