Chrysalis

A lot of times, especially right now, it feels like my nerves are on fire. I'm hyper-senstive on what feels like every level. Everything is thick with the scent of change.

After wandering aimlessly like some sort of vagabond for two and a half years now, I have a road map. I have a place to go, a direction. It's just...

I never saw myself there. Ever. Where this road leads is the last place I would have ever imagined for me to end up. It's truly frightening, in a exhilerating sort of way.

Still, I've never had clarity like this. As odd and scary as this twist in the path may be, nothing else has felt so rational. I've never felt this...right. Suddenly, I do. Chasing that feeling washes away my apprehension. After all, it's been said that I'll never be left or forsaken. Right?

Like I mentioned in my last post, I've struggled with dependence. Truth be told, it's hard for me to think that the odds of me walking alone in this are very good. I've always had someone there for me; as a dear friend put it, "to hold my hand while I poked the dark places between my ears". But...now there's not going to be anyone there. It feels that way, at least.

I hunger for change, you know. I want so much to be set free from this endless cycle of pining. I have that chance now.

For now, I'm stuck in a chrysalis, wanting to break free but not ready to yet. Butterflies are fragile, after all.