A long time ago, I was obsessed with finding a label to describe myself and my walk. Somehow, it was rationalized that if I were able to say "I am a ____," things would resolve, I would be "home," and life would be dandy.
Don't ask me what I was thinking when I got that little notion into my head, because I don't have the foggiest idea. All I can say is that I'm glad I grew out of that fast.
Recently, I dealt with overdependence issues, both in my personal life and my spiritual life. The need to lean on other people for support has always been there. It got bad when I needed others' opinions in order to formulate my own. Thankfully, I'm getting over that, too.
Now, I have to stop thinking that spirituality is this big, objective thing. The choices others make, have made, and will make are such a big influence on me. It's never been positive; it almost cost me a friendship, once. I'm stuck on this ideal that if someone did something, if I do it, I'm going to get the same exact result.
But this is my journey. No one else has control over it. What I go through, while it might have similarities to the experiences of others, is still an individual thing.
At least I think that's how it goes. I'm a bit clouded; Lent is starting to play some serious games with my head. I'm changing for the better. I'm growing closer to God. Those are both very, very good things. I can spend time to seriously consider my place, and correct those things that need fixing.
...I just wish the godforsaken dreams (and nightmares) would let up.
Ah, well. Perseverance and all that.
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