Birds of a Feather?

I usually get to school early enough to walk slow, get to my locker in a half-stupor, and stumble into my first period class with a few minutes to breathe.

After a very busy and stressful morning, I'd walked inside and realized I'd forgotten my bag on the bus. I called my mom, and thankfully she was right down the street. That settled, I had about three minutes to get to the other side of the school and upstairs.

I flew in like a whirlwind, almost crashing straight through a group of people in prayer in front of the entrance. I quietly excused myself, and one of the guys moved to let me pass. I made it to class thirty seconds before the late bell. Go, me.

Two things occured to me in the midst of all this:

1) It is really irrational to pray in front of the door like that.
2) Sometimes, I really do miss having a community.

In early autumn, I made a deal with a friend of mine. We'd both been curious about school fellowships, but were petrified to show up for various reasons. The bet went that if one of us went to a meeting, the other had to go to their local group, too. That's how I ended up talking to the director, Mr. E., at my school's annual club night. He's a very eccentric man: skinny, softspoken, and generally very hard to look in the eye. He was the first local Christian I'd spoken to, and the entire conversation was held with sweaty palms and the feeling that he saw right through me.

Two weeks later, I went to Alpha Omega with my friend L, who came along for moral support. I was hugged by a bunch of random, flamboyant, "Jesus is so awesome!!!" people who were sooo glad to see me and wanted to know all about me. The extrovert that I normally am withdrew into her shell and became an insecure, somewhat standoffish quiet kid. It was the oddest personality shift...

Don't get me wrong, they were nice, if a little (understatement) naive. The worship...was empty of the Spirit I've felt in my life. The rest of it--Bible scharades and fellowship, anybody?--was just so, so uncomfortable. I couldn't handle being around other Christians. I didn't think they'd get me. I thought, and to a point still think, if I were to let them see the real me, they would judge me, insist I discover my spiritual "gifts", or run away in horror. People like me and people like them are on opposite ends of the playing field, despite our worship of the same God. [sarcasm]Because, you know, because I'm an ex-occultist I'm so gravely misunderstood. [/sarcasm]

Truthfully, though, I find it very difficult to connect with "my kind" around here. They view the world so oddly, all of them. Everything was so shiny and good in their faith; it was obvious that they'd never been shaken in their lives. I've shaken, rattled, and rolled, sometimes all at once.

AO wasn't for me. Unfortunately, I'm in a place where I can't look for other people (off the internet, that is) or churches. At least, not until I turn eighteen this November.

For now, I'm just my little army of one, I guess. Me, and some of the most eccentricly awesome Christians and Pagans the internet can offer me.

The place I choose to call home will have big shoes to fill, that's for sure. They don't make people like these anywhere else.