No matter how much excitement I may have over the coming Easter Vigil, getting through the Triduum is still the hardest thing of all for me. It's as if we're set on fire and made to suffer before being allowed to rise with Christ.
Sound familiar? ;)
My doubts have reached a terribly uncomfortable crescendo this week, no doubt because of the intensity and sanctity of these last few days before Easter. It also makes sense that the enemy would want to turn up the heat for Holy Week, especially given the light I finally found this past weekend.
Evenings are difficult. I do what I can to persevere. In a very sweet gesture, my chaplain gave me a Divine Mercy medal--I have a fierce devotion to the Divine Mercy even in the worst of times--and blessed it, telling me to pray the novena. I was already two steps ahead of him on that, but now I finally have a physical reminder of "the hope that is in [me]."
Tonight is my first Holy Thursday Mass ever, despite growing up in the Church. The pastor of the parish closest to my university has invited our Newman house to attend and have our feet washed. (Thanks to a friend, the liturgical, er...trickiness of that situation. I'm going to let my chaplain know and do whatever he tells me.)
It's going to be a cool experience, I'm sure. And then watching the altar stripped as we adore Him for the last time? I'm going to lose it.
That's not a bad thing. It makes my joy when this is over all the sweeter.
2 comments:
FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
REVIVAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*hugs* The thing about fire, for sure, is that it burns - and our God *is* a consuming flame, a raging torrent. The Bridegroom is here, and, indeed, we'll have to die with Him before we can ever rise with him in glory. I know it's hard - oh, do I ever. Praying for you during this most sacred time of the year.
I hope that having your feet washed is the same sort of experience for you that it was for me last year. One of overwhelming humility and a reminder of His total and divine love.
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