This week, a sudden blast of warm air has brought the consolation of spring to my area, and what a balm it's been for me. For the first time in a long, long time, I'm beginning to feel like myself.
Though, with the warm weather comes a host of other problems. The sudden surge of light and warmth into the world after such a long stretch of darkness stirs something deep within me, and suddenly, my zeal comes alive.
It's not always how I hope, either. I'm a terribly passionate soul, and have a reputation for being a bit...consuming and hurricane-like. It's not a bad thing, but at times that side of me (or really, that core) is way too close to my old ways. It tastes of magic. Around this time of year, the aching is deep in my bones. But that's a yearning I can't sate anymore.
Or can I?
God and I have an odd relationship, and it's usually in some sort of flux. I don't pull punches and I make no effort to cover myself up before Him. If I'm angry, He knows it in no uncertain terms. And when things are at their best? When I'm full of that passion and joy?
It's fire.
It's something I both fear and rejoice in. When my words fall short, He speaks to me and turns me upside down. It's transforming, raw, and perhaps most of all, healing in nature.
Time and again I've been known to cry at Mass or Adoration without cause. It's the Spirit's way of helping me to pour out myself, to decrease, I think.
I usually feel better afterward. Then again, I often feel better all around during this time of year.
Ostara is coming. Spring is coming. And with it, Easter. Our greatest hope.
Bring it on!
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