Love Never Fails

He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds...

--Psalm 147:3

Up until about six months ago, I still looked at love with the idealistic eyes of one who had never been seriously hurt. Wronged, yes, but not let down.

These days, the way I feel about myself and about men is a toss-up. One day things will be fine, and I'll feel those old nostalgic affections coming back to me. They're so tempting; when I feel confident again, desired again, sin rears its ugly head. I have plenty of shameful memories to keep me out of trouble, yet the cycle continues.

In sometimes the same breath, affection gives way to something twisted. It's like getting ice water dumped over your head; moments like that wake me up. What the hell am I doing?, indeed. And as that shame gives way to anger, I remember something very important. More often than not, people are going to let me down. We're human. We sin, we fail, and we hurt each other--sometimes in ways that are cruel.

Love never fails.
God is love.

Using the transitive property of mathematics, then this means...
God never fails.

I can be let down, used, hurt and disappointed by a million men in a million ways, but He has remained and will always remain faithful. When I am battered by this world, I run to His Mercy, and I find comfort.

That's something I have done very little of, lately. Perhaps it's part of the problem.

Tomorrow (well, today), I meet with my chaplain. If God is truly on my side, we'll find a way for me to begin taking baby steps back into a life of embracing Him. I want that so much...it's just life and all its pains and sufferings, my very self, that stands in the way.

Luckily, God loves even the messiest of His daughters. Deo gratias!