Lord, I believe!

This past weekend at the Easter Vigil, my pastor gave the usual Easter homily with all of the right things--Christ being triumphant over death, our eternal life resting in the truth of His resurrection, and the mourning of Lent that so obviously turns to joy with the ringing of the Gloria bells.

Then, something he said caught my attention:

"A lot of people seem to believe that those who have faith also have these ideal, perfect lives, never experience sorrow, and always live with incredible joy that their
salvation brings."

I chuckled at this. Before I was saved, I knew a great deal of people who forced themselves into a facade of Christian perfection and happiness, even in the worst of times. Unfortunately, it didn't send the right message to me at the time--I wrongly assumed that I, too, needed to radiate such perpetual joy to represent my newfound faith. This assumption was extremely destructive to my spiritual life, and was only discovered and corrected a few months ago. (Thank God for Confession--if I hadn't admitted my feelings of inadequacy, my confessor would have never realized how misled I was. I'm so glad we caught it when we did.)

My interest piqued, he started to take an unexpected turn in his homily that, to my surprise, addressed one of my deepest issues with being a Christian:

"That is not faith. I can't speak for you, but my faith has never been perfect and unwavering. Faith is not perfect belief. Faith is saying 'Lord, I have no idea where my life is going, and I'm insecure, but I believe you have this under control.' It's saying 'Lord, a lot is going wrong in the world, but I trust you are taking care of us.' It's saying 'Lord, I struggle, but I still believe you will keep your promises.' Real faith doesn't have to be perfect, just heartfelt."

And this is the truth, despite what we might see from others. God is there all the time, not just in our good moments. In fact, those valley experiences are when He desires to draw even closer to us! He came for the sick, not for the healthy, remember. It's for that, perhaps, that I'm most grateful.

Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!