Saturday, December 1, 2007
Inexhaustible love...
It's an insult to God when you think your sins are greater than His mercy. --Mother Angelica
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Backseat Driver
In my (almost) two years as a Christian, I have seen witnessing and evangelism that made even those of us in the fold cringe.
I'm sure you're all quite familiar with the raging fire-and-brimstone proselytizing that makes its rounds in the Christian community, often sending its victims running away as fast as humanly possible, not accepting Christ as planned.
Oops?
Other situations find a Christian doing his or her best to witness, and, when things are going south, find themselves frustrated. I've seen that happen just the other day on a forum, with lots of bold letters, italics, and most importantly, YOU'RE DENYING THE TRUTH. IT IS WRITTEN.
Looks like someone forgot that Rome wasn't built in a day. ;)
There is, however, a similar evil on the other end of the scale. We can be gentle, we can love our non-Catholic friends to death, but what happens when that love turns into complacency and compromise of the truth? I can't be sure, but as a friend reminded me the other day, if we deny God, we in turn will be denied by Him. That, frankly, is something I don't want to risk by being a sissy.
Pride is a vice that loves to play head games. We sometimes manage to get it into our heads that all we have to do is say the right thing, make the right argument, give the right answers, and they'll convert. All it takes is a little convincing, no?
Well...no. Just no. And may Christ have mercy on me for ever thinking that was the way it was done! I've been a fool.
Again, it all comes down to grace. No matter how difficult it may be from the outside, there's nothing we can do to change the hearts of those around us. That responsibility is in God alone. That doesn't mean that we give up, of course, but we need to listen to the Spirit and act accordingly.
My heart is in the right place, but I'm not doing the right thing. And I may be more of a hindrance than a help to God right now, as long as I think there's "something I can do".
The only thing I can do is love, and love unconditionally. The rest is in His hands. He is more than capable. I was so entirely wrong for apologising for speaking the truth. As much as it hurts...I can't be sorry anymore.
I'm sure you're all quite familiar with the raging fire-and-brimstone proselytizing that makes its rounds in the Christian community, often sending its victims running away as fast as humanly possible, not accepting Christ as planned.
Oops?
Other situations find a Christian doing his or her best to witness, and, when things are going south, find themselves frustrated. I've seen that happen just the other day on a forum, with lots of bold letters, italics, and most importantly, YOU'RE DENYING THE TRUTH. IT IS WRITTEN.
Looks like someone forgot that Rome wasn't built in a day. ;)
There is, however, a similar evil on the other end of the scale. We can be gentle, we can love our non-Catholic friends to death, but what happens when that love turns into complacency and compromise of the truth? I can't be sure, but as a friend reminded me the other day, if we deny God, we in turn will be denied by Him. That, frankly, is something I don't want to risk by being a sissy.
Pride is a vice that loves to play head games. We sometimes manage to get it into our heads that all we have to do is say the right thing, make the right argument, give the right answers, and they'll convert. All it takes is a little convincing, no?
Well...no. Just no. And may Christ have mercy on me for ever thinking that was the way it was done! I've been a fool.
Again, it all comes down to grace. No matter how difficult it may be from the outside, there's nothing we can do to change the hearts of those around us. That responsibility is in God alone. That doesn't mean that we give up, of course, but we need to listen to the Spirit and act accordingly.
My heart is in the right place, but I'm not doing the right thing. And I may be more of a hindrance than a help to God right now, as long as I think there's "something I can do".
The only thing I can do is love, and love unconditionally. The rest is in His hands. He is more than capable. I was so entirely wrong for apologising for speaking the truth. As much as it hurts...I can't be sorry anymore.
Friday, November 9, 2007
The I'm Sorry Jesus Maneuver
It seems that I am, at long last, beginning to climb out of a hole I fell into with some particularly nasty sins a few months ago.
I can recall quite easily what my faith was like when I was fresh out of the occult. The closest thing I had come to a church was online, in ExWitch Ministries and its affiliates. When my computer was off and I lived in the 'real world', however, I was completely alone.
My family and friends are all, with the exception of a precious few, secular. I had no one to be accountable to, and, because of that, sin ran rampant in my life. Of course, there was no one to apologise to but my invisible Savior--what I like to call the "I'm Sorry Jesus Maneuver". You've sinned, you tell Him so, you swear you'll try again...
And you fail. Because, really, who will know? There is no damage to your pride, your reputation, if you live a life of sin. And as for Jesus, well, He'll always forgive. Apathy sets in quickly, and soon we no longer apologise. We sin, and sin, and we sin, and expect to get by...
How?
We go to church, and the pastor strokes our egos, reminding us again that all we have to do is ask His mercy...and, as we walk out the door, we are the same people we were yesterday. Oh, yes, we've sinned again, but alleluia! God will forgive. God loves us.
All of this, mind, is true! But do we really expect that we will get away with all of this?
Hardly. And the Sacrament of Reconciliation has opened my eyes to that.
You know, you never realise how destructive and shameful sin can be until you look a man (just like us!) in the face, and make known all that you have done to spit in the face of our Maker. If you expect to walk out of there with a scrap of pride, or the slightest intention of sinning again, you my friend, are in for a surprise.
What you get, instead, is the tearing down of the facade you worked so very, very hard to build. The person waiting beyond that facade is dirty, stained with sin, and not at all worthy of our Lord. How could we ever dream of being worthy with a soul this broken?
That is where the beauty of absolution, and our salvation, comes in. Not by our works, or by our faith alone, but by His grace.
When we peel away those layers of pride, selfishness, and sin, we are left with a creature that God could not possibly love more. And, even dirty and broken, we are beautiful in His eyes. It is only when the pretenses are gone that God can begin our healing--and it is very hard to reach that with a simple I'm Sorry Jesus Maneuver.
With a priest to guide us, however embarrassing it may be (and sin should be embarrassing), it makes finding the straight and narrow again much easier. "If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them," said Christ to the Apostles in John 20, "and if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained." That is, indeed, quite the responsibility. But, to me, it is worth so much more than simple ego stroking.
The next time you feel the temptation to sin, think of how difficult it is to wash away those stains on your own. His grace is simple and free, but the destruction we cause in our transgressions will take much more than that to heal.
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, and His mercy endures forever.
I can recall quite easily what my faith was like when I was fresh out of the occult. The closest thing I had come to a church was online, in ExWitch Ministries and its affiliates. When my computer was off and I lived in the 'real world', however, I was completely alone.
My family and friends are all, with the exception of a precious few, secular. I had no one to be accountable to, and, because of that, sin ran rampant in my life. Of course, there was no one to apologise to but my invisible Savior--what I like to call the "I'm Sorry Jesus Maneuver". You've sinned, you tell Him so, you swear you'll try again...
And you fail. Because, really, who will know? There is no damage to your pride, your reputation, if you live a life of sin. And as for Jesus, well, He'll always forgive. Apathy sets in quickly, and soon we no longer apologise. We sin, and sin, and we sin, and expect to get by...
How?
We go to church, and the pastor strokes our egos, reminding us again that all we have to do is ask His mercy...and, as we walk out the door, we are the same people we were yesterday. Oh, yes, we've sinned again, but alleluia! God will forgive. God loves us.
All of this, mind, is true! But do we really expect that we will get away with all of this?
Hardly. And the Sacrament of Reconciliation has opened my eyes to that.
You know, you never realise how destructive and shameful sin can be until you look a man (just like us!) in the face, and make known all that you have done to spit in the face of our Maker. If you expect to walk out of there with a scrap of pride, or the slightest intention of sinning again, you my friend, are in for a surprise.
What you get, instead, is the tearing down of the facade you worked so very, very hard to build. The person waiting beyond that facade is dirty, stained with sin, and not at all worthy of our Lord. How could we ever dream of being worthy with a soul this broken?
That is where the beauty of absolution, and our salvation, comes in. Not by our works, or by our faith alone, but by His grace.
When we peel away those layers of pride, selfishness, and sin, we are left with a creature that God could not possibly love more. And, even dirty and broken, we are beautiful in His eyes. It is only when the pretenses are gone that God can begin our healing--and it is very hard to reach that with a simple I'm Sorry Jesus Maneuver.
With a priest to guide us, however embarrassing it may be (and sin should be embarrassing), it makes finding the straight and narrow again much easier. "If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them," said Christ to the Apostles in John 20, "and if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained." That is, indeed, quite the responsibility. But, to me, it is worth so much more than simple ego stroking.
The next time you feel the temptation to sin, think of how difficult it is to wash away those stains on your own. His grace is simple and free, but the destruction we cause in our transgressions will take much more than that to heal.
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, and His mercy endures forever.
No news is good news...
Right?
Yes, it has been a horrifically long time since I've updated this blog. For that, I apologise--I sincerely doubt I have many faithful readers anymore, but for those who remain, I am always glad to have you!
So much has happened in the past four months. The sudden death of my grandfather, the start of university and the consequent end of high school; my coming of age, the beginning of a new novel, and more than a few anniversaries, one of which being particularly dear to me.
I am eighteen. I am still, somehow, miraculously, by the grace of our Lord, Catholic. It has been a terrific (in the wonderful and scary sense), rough, ecstatically bumpy ride. And I am in love in more ways than one. I really don't think I mind in either scenario.
I've finally found fellowship, and while they are Protestants, I am so very grateful to them for taking me in. It has also given me some hands-on apologetics work, which can be so good for building on my faith. Coincidentally, I will be meeting someone new, a Catholic, who goes to both my college and parish, at tomorrow's Mass. This may be what I've been looking for.
As for faith and family, well, it's one day at a time. Blessings aren't always obvious, and I'm making it my sole purpose of late to seek out those blessings, even in the most tangled of situations.
The lack of updates, honestly, has come from a lack of material. For the first time in months, things are calm and steady. I'm beginning to grow suspicious--there is always a storm. It's only a matter of time now, I suppose, before the wind kicks up again. When it does, I will be ready. He is my strength.
It's always good to keep the mind working, even in good times! Hopefully, you will be seeing a little more of me in the coming months. That's the plan, in any case. ;)
In Christ's Divine Mercy,
Melissa
Yes, it has been a horrifically long time since I've updated this blog. For that, I apologise--I sincerely doubt I have many faithful readers anymore, but for those who remain, I am always glad to have you!
So much has happened in the past four months. The sudden death of my grandfather, the start of university and the consequent end of high school; my coming of age, the beginning of a new novel, and more than a few anniversaries, one of which being particularly dear to me.
I am eighteen. I am still, somehow, miraculously, by the grace of our Lord, Catholic. It has been a terrific (in the wonderful and scary sense), rough, ecstatically bumpy ride. And I am in love in more ways than one. I really don't think I mind in either scenario.
I've finally found fellowship, and while they are Protestants, I am so very grateful to them for taking me in. It has also given me some hands-on apologetics work, which can be so good for building on my faith. Coincidentally, I will be meeting someone new, a Catholic, who goes to both my college and parish, at tomorrow's Mass. This may be what I've been looking for.
As for faith and family, well, it's one day at a time. Blessings aren't always obvious, and I'm making it my sole purpose of late to seek out those blessings, even in the most tangled of situations.
The lack of updates, honestly, has come from a lack of material. For the first time in months, things are calm and steady. I'm beginning to grow suspicious--there is always a storm. It's only a matter of time now, I suppose, before the wind kicks up again. When it does, I will be ready. He is my strength.
It's always good to keep the mind working, even in good times! Hopefully, you will be seeing a little more of me in the coming months. That's the plan, in any case. ;)
In Christ's Divine Mercy,
Melissa
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Casting Crowns to release "The Altar and the Door" this week...
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
...
I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way...
--Casting Crowns, "East to West"
I've been a fan of Casting Crowns since being turned on to their music last summer. For a lot of reasons, I can't go out and get a hold of their music in stores, so I'm stuck unless someone sends me their stuff, or I buy it from iTunes.
Now that they're offering the opportunity to pre-order the album on iTunes (you need iTunes for the link to work), I'm going to jump all over it. And, judging by the previews in their video, plus the first single "East to West", it's going to be an amazing CD.
Who else is excited?
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
It's for a good cause...
And considering the amount of time I spend chatting with some of you, it's definitely a worthwhile effort! The only thing that needs to be noted is that you need Windows Live 8.1. I'll be using it in place of MSN (my contact info is the same) for as long as the initiative runs. My cause is the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. :)
It works like this: You download the messenger, and then add a text code to your display name that corresponds to the organization you want to donate to (for example, "*komen" is for the is the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation). Then, with each conversation you have, they donate to whatever organization you chose.
Cool, aye? Happy chatting!
It works like this: You download the messenger, and then add a text code to your display name that corresponds to the organization you want to donate to (for example, "*komen" is for the is the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation). Then, with each conversation you have, they donate to whatever organization you chose.
Cool, aye? Happy chatting!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Knowledge is Power
Tonight, I read Jack Chick's tract "The Death Cookie" after hearing about it a while ago. I find Chick tracts so good to make fun of, especially when it relates to my Church. The misconceptions, generalizations, and flat-out fallacies in there had me both giggling and exasperated.
What made me feel at peace, though, was realising that I could easy counter the arguments in the tract, both by Scripture and common sense. A while ago, I would have not only been unable to defend my own beliefs, but may have even been swayed by some things in the tract. I did ask myself some questions as I read. When I wasn't able to answer, I researched and found explanations that satisfied me.
Things like this help to only strengthen my faith in Catholicism's truth. Take, for example, my friend S, who is a Protestant. He and I have spent the majority of this school year in dialogue about our denominations. At times, it got very, very heated. It took us until June to face one another with open minds and a willingness to learn. He challenged me to provide Scriptural support for many parts of Catholic theology, and I asked him to find strong evidence against those ideas. Both of us grew through the experience. I don't think he meant for it to happen, but S only made my faith stronger. I owe him for that.
What made me feel at peace, though, was realising that I could easy counter the arguments in the tract, both by Scripture and common sense. A while ago, I would have not only been unable to defend my own beliefs, but may have even been swayed by some things in the tract. I did ask myself some questions as I read. When I wasn't able to answer, I researched and found explanations that satisfied me.
Things like this help to only strengthen my faith in Catholicism's truth. Take, for example, my friend S, who is a Protestant. He and I have spent the majority of this school year in dialogue about our denominations. At times, it got very, very heated. It took us until June to face one another with open minds and a willingness to learn. He challenged me to provide Scriptural support for many parts of Catholic theology, and I asked him to find strong evidence against those ideas. Both of us grew through the experience. I don't think he meant for it to happen, but S only made my faith stronger. I owe him for that.
Monday, June 4, 2007
All Things New
This weekend, I knew something was up when our resident sister was present at the Saturday Vigil Mass. I sat in the back, as usual, talked to the Gossip Squad (as I've affectionately dubbed them), and hoped to heck she didn't notice me.
I was different back then. More than once, they threatened to kick me out of CCD for being loud or rude. It was obvious that none of us cared; I imagine we were a hard group to catechize. These days, it's something I'm more than a little ashamed of. While the past is in the past, I'm not sure if I'm ready to face her yet. There would be too many questions.
In the middle of Mass, I finally realised what was going on: we had two people in their twenties finish the RCIA program, and were presented for Confirmation.
I remember mine well. The robe was fun; my girlfriends and I would twirl around and watch them flutter, calling ourselves the flying nun. It's to date the only time I've ever met the Bishop, and also the only time I had ever actually felt God present in a Church service. My shoes came off, the robe was too snug, and the chrism smelled oddly of Pine Sol, but it was nice.
If only it would have meant something more to me than freedom from eight years of boring classes. Maybe it would have stopped me from making a very long detour. Maybe not.
Sharing in the Candidates' joy was really nice. They were the first to receive Communion, so when I passed the first pew on my way up, I whispered congratulations to the man. He grinned, and I couldn't help grinning myself. It's amazing how God can change lives. Maybe someday, some of my friends will come to know that same joy.
That was my prayer, after all.
I was different back then. More than once, they threatened to kick me out of CCD for being loud or rude. It was obvious that none of us cared; I imagine we were a hard group to catechize. These days, it's something I'm more than a little ashamed of. While the past is in the past, I'm not sure if I'm ready to face her yet. There would be too many questions.
In the middle of Mass, I finally realised what was going on: we had two people in their twenties finish the RCIA program, and were presented for Confirmation.
I remember mine well. The robe was fun; my girlfriends and I would twirl around and watch them flutter, calling ourselves the flying nun. It's to date the only time I've ever met the Bishop, and also the only time I had ever actually felt God present in a Church service. My shoes came off, the robe was too snug, and the chrism smelled oddly of Pine Sol, but it was nice.
If only it would have meant something more to me than freedom from eight years of boring classes. Maybe it would have stopped me from making a very long detour. Maybe not.
Sharing in the Candidates' joy was really nice. They were the first to receive Communion, so when I passed the first pew on my way up, I whispered congratulations to the man. He grinned, and I couldn't help grinning myself. It's amazing how God can change lives. Maybe someday, some of my friends will come to know that same joy.
That was my prayer, after all.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Pentecost
Have a wonderful Pentecost. I'm going to use the weeks following to discern how I can best let the Spirit shine through in my life.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Limelight?
I told my mom when she picked me up from Mass today that it might be good to attend the other parish next week. The ladies at my Church are starting to talk. ;)
Remember the woman I've mentioned a few times before, who went out of her way to make me feel welcome at my first Mass following my reversion? Well, I've been doing my best to say hello and talk to her whenever I can.
Today, when I came out of the confessional and finished my prayers, she came over to my pew.
"So, you're graduating with honors?"
Okay, that's weird. She, as far as I knew, didn't even know my name. She goes on by saying she'd seen me on the local TV station that had shown my school's moving up ceremonies. That would explain it. We made small talk, and she goes back to her seat.
A few minutes later, I hear a loud whisper: "...and she had a really good time at her prom last night."
Oh, great. She's told all of her friends about me. They'll all know my name and everything else about me by next week. I shudder to think about what they'd do if I ever brought a guy with me to Mass! Heh.
I lean up to see her across the aisle. "Hey, Barbara!" I call in a loud whisper, "stop talking about me!" She and her lady-friends cackle like ducks. Hoo boy...
Hehe, I usually love the limelight, but not this time! I guess it can't be helped, considering I'm the only person under 30 that goes to the Saturday night Mass...
(Sometimes, I'm convinced that the young Catholics I've met on Phatmass are actually from another planet. Either that, or it's something in the taco sauce. ;))
Maybe I'll get lucky and God will hook me up with some people close to my own age. That'd be nice... :)
Remember the woman I've mentioned a few times before, who went out of her way to make me feel welcome at my first Mass following my reversion? Well, I've been doing my best to say hello and talk to her whenever I can.
Today, when I came out of the confessional and finished my prayers, she came over to my pew.
"So, you're graduating with honors?"
Okay, that's weird. She, as far as I knew, didn't even know my name. She goes on by saying she'd seen me on the local TV station that had shown my school's moving up ceremonies. That would explain it. We made small talk, and she goes back to her seat.
A few minutes later, I hear a loud whisper: "...and she had a really good time at her prom last night."
Oh, great. She's told all of her friends about me. They'll all know my name and everything else about me by next week. I shudder to think about what they'd do if I ever brought a guy with me to Mass! Heh.
I lean up to see her across the aisle. "Hey, Barbara!" I call in a loud whisper, "stop talking about me!" She and her lady-friends cackle like ducks. Hoo boy...
Hehe, I usually love the limelight, but not this time! I guess it can't be helped, considering I'm the only person under 30 that goes to the Saturday night Mass...
(Sometimes, I'm convinced that the young Catholics I've met on Phatmass are actually from another planet. Either that, or it's something in the taco sauce. ;))
Maybe I'll get lucky and God will hook me up with some people close to my own age. That'd be nice... :)
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