I can't sleep. Like it or not, this time of year leaves me so unsettled. I grit my teeth and keep on. After last year, I know what this is and how to deal. For that, I'm thankful.
This week, we've had an unusual spike in warm weather; this has come in the midst of one of the harshest winters I can recall, at least temperature-wise. The appearance of 60s on the TV screen stirred something dormant in me, and I could have burst out of my skin once I got out of the house. (I did shed my coat in about 20 seconds.)
The warmth still hasn't melted all of the ice and snow, however. In fact, outside of Newman remains a stretch of ice several feet long and a good inch thick.
Still, as I soaked up the sun today with my first iced latte of the year, I couldn't help but note that shift in winter that means there's light at the end of the tunnel.
It always brings me back to the Wheel of the Year, even though my days of observing it are well behind me now. I've always found incredible peace and comfort in its rhythm and celebrations of the changing seasons. Now, it doesn't surprise me that I take that same comfort in the liturgical calendar. In both faiths, the cycle keeps me grounded and moving forward.
I'm still hyper-aware on the Pagan sabbats that share the day with Church feasts. Of course, the Presentation was celebrated a few weeks ago; I immediately thought of Imbolc and its rituals, of Brighid and her priestesses keeping the sacred fire alive. The two holy days are both on Feb. 2.
We were exactly halfway through the winter that day. Outside, the snow that has clung stubbornly to the ground since Christmas was melting into muddy piles of slush. Soon, I told myself. Not too much longer, and we'll be out of hibernation.
Ostara will come, then a month later spring's first full moon, and Easter just after it.
The whole world -- body and soul, physical and spiritual -- will come alive again.
It never ceases to amaze me. :)
Friday, February 18, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Against the Grain
I would be remiss if I didn't talk a little bit about the retreat last weekend, which was a lot of fun. The mansion holds so many memories for the upperclassmen who have been there before, and it was particularly meaningful for the seniors graduating in just a few months.
The topic for the retreat focused on living an authentically Catholic sexuality as a young adult. Heaven knows anyone trying to avoid the prevalence of lust and greed in the media is going to have a hard time. We all do, and this weekend we were given tools to make the fight to stay pure a little less agonizing.
It's the job of the media to inform and educate our audiences, but we also carry the added responsibility of influence. Whether we mean it or not, audiences take their cues from TV, print media, and the Web. And unless you've been living in a cave for the last few decades, you've probably seen how pervasive and damaging some of the content is.
Drugs. Excessive drinking. Meaningless sex with any number of people in any number of ways. Objectification. Oppression. Bullying. Violence.
There's also the porn industry, which due to its sheer size and spread deserves a category of its own. Understand, the Church sees sex as the most intimate, holy thing that two people can give to each other. They give themselves freely and fully, without reserve and with complete trust. Sex has incredible power over humanity, and it has the potential to create and bond, or destroy and demean. It's not something you want to mess around with, (This, in a nutshell, is why we take strong positions against extramarital sex and birth control.)
One of the poignant moments of the weekend for me was when we split into groups by gender for a private discussion. For the ladies, we all expressed frustration with the way virginity is stigmatized. If you've not had sex by the time you're about 25, most of the world considers you doomed or somehow defective. And porn has created an inaccurate picture of what sex is, and who women are. Many of us carry the secret that we have been made into victims and objects because of it. More than anything, women want to stand up and support the men in our life as they try to honor us. And at the end of the day, we only want to be honored, too.
Check out this clip from the ABC hit drama Grey's Anatomy. It came up in our discussion and accurately shows the way virginity is treated today:
It was super encouraging to be surrounded by 15 women who all support each other, even when we screw up. And I'm so blessed to have met many strong, Catholic gentlemen who are on the front lines defending our dignity. One day, I believe God will point one out to me.
Until then, I'm a 21-year-old virgin. I've been single for over a year. And you know, it's not so bad.
The topic for the retreat focused on living an authentically Catholic sexuality as a young adult. Heaven knows anyone trying to avoid the prevalence of lust and greed in the media is going to have a hard time. We all do, and this weekend we were given tools to make the fight to stay pure a little less agonizing.
It's the job of the media to inform and educate our audiences, but we also carry the added responsibility of influence. Whether we mean it or not, audiences take their cues from TV, print media, and the Web. And unless you've been living in a cave for the last few decades, you've probably seen how pervasive and damaging some of the content is.
Drugs. Excessive drinking. Meaningless sex with any number of people in any number of ways. Objectification. Oppression. Bullying. Violence.
There's also the porn industry, which due to its sheer size and spread deserves a category of its own. Understand, the Church sees sex as the most intimate, holy thing that two people can give to each other. They give themselves freely and fully, without reserve and with complete trust. Sex has incredible power over humanity, and it has the potential to create and bond, or destroy and demean. It's not something you want to mess around with, (This, in a nutshell, is why we take strong positions against extramarital sex and birth control.)
One of the poignant moments of the weekend for me was when we split into groups by gender for a private discussion. For the ladies, we all expressed frustration with the way virginity is stigmatized. If you've not had sex by the time you're about 25, most of the world considers you doomed or somehow defective. And porn has created an inaccurate picture of what sex is, and who women are. Many of us carry the secret that we have been made into victims and objects because of it. More than anything, women want to stand up and support the men in our life as they try to honor us. And at the end of the day, we only want to be honored, too.
Check out this clip from the ABC hit drama Grey's Anatomy. It came up in our discussion and accurately shows the way virginity is treated today:
It was super encouraging to be surrounded by 15 women who all support each other, even when we screw up. And I'm so blessed to have met many strong, Catholic gentlemen who are on the front lines defending our dignity. One day, I believe God will point one out to me.
Until then, I'm a 21-year-old virgin. I've been single for over a year. And you know, it's not so bad.
Friday, February 4, 2011
And now, for something completely different...
I have to hold my breath and cross my fingers behind my back to even write this next sentence:
My faith is strong these days.(Of course, my inner skeptic is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I digress.)
Advent and Christmas is always a wonderful time of year for me, but I usually approach the weeks that follow it with dread. I tend to go as bare and cold as the trees do, and after last year's adventure into nihilism, I was bracing myself for Something Ugly. It hasn't come, and I'm thanking God for every second of this unexpected calm.
I've been introduced twice now to a young adult group at a parish that's about ten minutes from campus. They're 18-25 year olds, most of them local, but some travel from all over because of their reputation.
You all know how I hate to sound cosmic, but allow it this once: the Spirit moves something fierce with these guys. And I confess that you will hardly ever find that at Newman, as much as I love them.
They come at the perfect time, as it seems God always works out for me. When I graduate, I'll no longer be allowed at Newman because it's a ministry for the university. But with ACTS, I know I am already finding a new home. I often asked myself until just recently how I would ever be able to transition from complete independence in my faith decisions to living back home where I depend on my parents. I think I have my answer.
I was going to write more on this, but for now, I'm leaving for my last(!!!!) retreat with Newman. It's snowing up at the mansion, so we're all very excited to be up in the hills. As always, your prayers would be most appreciated. I'll see you next week!
My faith is strong these days.
Advent and Christmas is always a wonderful time of year for me, but I usually approach the weeks that follow it with dread. I tend to go as bare and cold as the trees do, and after last year's adventure into nihilism, I was bracing myself for Something Ugly. It hasn't come, and I'm thanking God for every second of this unexpected calm.
I've been introduced twice now to a young adult group at a parish that's about ten minutes from campus. They're 18-25 year olds, most of them local, but some travel from all over because of their reputation.
You all know how I hate to sound cosmic, but allow it this once: the Spirit moves something fierce with these guys. And I confess that you will hardly ever find that at Newman, as much as I love them.
They come at the perfect time, as it seems God always works out for me. When I graduate, I'll no longer be allowed at Newman because it's a ministry for the university. But with ACTS, I know I am already finding a new home. I often asked myself until just recently how I would ever be able to transition from complete independence in my faith decisions to living back home where I depend on my parents. I think I have my answer.
I was going to write more on this, but for now, I'm leaving for my last(!!!!) retreat with Newman. It's snowing up at the mansion, so we're all very excited to be up in the hills. As always, your prayers would be most appreciated. I'll see you next week!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Media and the March
I want to talk about an event that consistently makes an impact on both the Christian and secular world: the March for Life held annually in Washington, D.C. But this time, you won't hear me talking about the Church's stance on abortion.
My issue this time is with my colleagues in the media.
First, some background: after the resolution of Roe vs. Wade and its companion case, Doe v. Bolton in 1973, the right to terminate a pregnancy on demand was declared a constitutional right for all.
One year later, anti-abortion advocates gathered at the Supreme Court to protest the decision and demand its reversal. They have done so every year since with increasing numbers, diversity and passion.
The 38th annual March for Life was held this past Monday, with an estimated 400,000 people, 50 members of the House of Representatives and one senator in attendance.
That's almost half a million people.
But ironically, you would never notice this by turning on the evening news or opening up the paper in the following days.
In fact, the media has been consistently notorious for avoiding any mention of the March, and when it is covered, the information presented is usually misrepresented and biased.
Let me say clearly that I'm not speaking as a Catholic as I write this. I'm speaking as a journalist who is confused by the almost universal error in judgment.
To show you what I mean, here is a traditional list of the eight elements of newsworthiness that have been drilled into my head since I was 18. Since then, I've done tons of exercises in the classroom to root out these elements in current events.
There is plenty of conflict in this story, one that has remained close to the top of political debates for decades now. And it was obviously timely with the anniversary of such a landmark set of cases.
The sheer number of people and delegates rallying at the Capitol and in smaller gatherings nationwide (like the Walk for Life West Coast in California) fulfills consequence and prominence -- it's hard to get half a million people to do much of anything, let alone gather for one cause.
Abortion is an issue that stirs the emotions of people on both sides of the debate, and affects every single person who has a child. That's something that appeals to human interest.
We can also say it's a good variety story because of the diversity of the people present. Christians from many denominations that typically argue over doctrine came together to pray. Feminists, men, old people, tens of thousands of youth of every race were all present. A friend who was there told me that he even saw a sign that read "Atheist Anarchists for Life."
So...that's six out of eight. Where was the coverage? Aside from Catholic broadcasting outlets like EWTN, it's anybody's guess. Do a Google search. Where are the prominent news names we expect to see?
Why are we letting our audience down?
My issue this time is with my colleagues in the media.
First, some background: after the resolution of Roe vs. Wade and its companion case, Doe v. Bolton in 1973, the right to terminate a pregnancy on demand was declared a constitutional right for all.
One year later, anti-abortion advocates gathered at the Supreme Court to protest the decision and demand its reversal. They have done so every year since with increasing numbers, diversity and passion.
The 38th annual March for Life was held this past Monday, with an estimated 400,000 people, 50 members of the House of Representatives and one senator in attendance.
That's almost half a million people.
But ironically, you would never notice this by turning on the evening news or opening up the paper in the following days.
In fact, the media has been consistently notorious for avoiding any mention of the March, and when it is covered, the information presented is usually misrepresented and biased.
Let me say clearly that I'm not speaking as a Catholic as I write this. I'm speaking as a journalist who is confused by the almost universal error in judgment.
To show you what I mean, here is a traditional list of the eight elements of newsworthiness that have been drilled into my head since I was 18. Since then, I've done tons of exercises in the classroom to root out these elements in current events.
There is plenty of conflict in this story, one that has remained close to the top of political debates for decades now. And it was obviously timely with the anniversary of such a landmark set of cases.
The sheer number of people and delegates rallying at the Capitol and in smaller gatherings nationwide (like the Walk for Life West Coast in California) fulfills consequence and prominence -- it's hard to get half a million people to do much of anything, let alone gather for one cause.
Abortion is an issue that stirs the emotions of people on both sides of the debate, and affects every single person who has a child. That's something that appeals to human interest.
We can also say it's a good variety story because of the diversity of the people present. Christians from many denominations that typically argue over doctrine came together to pray. Feminists, men, old people, tens of thousands of youth of every race were all present. A friend who was there told me that he even saw a sign that read "Atheist Anarchists for Life."
So...that's six out of eight. Where was the coverage? Aside from Catholic broadcasting outlets like EWTN, it's anybody's guess. Do a Google search. Where are the prominent news names we expect to see?
Why are we letting our audience down?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The Great Divide
ETA: Fixed a broken link. 25 Jan. 2011
This week has been set aside in churches across denominational lines as the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity.
It's almost funny, though, that these days we're about as divided as it gets. Our chaplain made an excellent point tonight that the rest of the world looks to everyone who proclaims Christ as their example of what Christianity is ... and all we do is bicker, nitpick, and judge.
It's no wonder that so many dismiss us as irrelevant. We're all so caught up in our own drama that we barely notice how badly we're ruining our reputations.
The Church universal, it seems, is as broken today as the world we're trying to save.
As one very timely example, look at this list of common American denominations and their positions on human life. The number that believes it is okay to end a God-given life in the womb is mind boggling. As if that's not enough, we can't even agree on the simple basics of our faith, like the nature of the Atonement.
I can't figure it out.
That's not to say that the Church in Rome is any better -- look at our Mass attendance down to a quarter of the faithful in this country, those that don't know what the Eucharist is, those that support all kinds of insanity in the liturgy, and still others on the conservative end that believe the Ordinary Form (post-Vatican II Mass) is dysfunctional at best and abominable at worst.
There has been no better time than for a movement like this. I know what a lot of people say, but if we hope to move forward and piece together these shards, we need to work together, and we need to pray together.
This week has been set aside in churches across denominational lines as the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity.
It's almost funny, though, that these days we're about as divided as it gets. Our chaplain made an excellent point tonight that the rest of the world looks to everyone who proclaims Christ as their example of what Christianity is ... and all we do is bicker, nitpick, and judge.
It's no wonder that so many dismiss us as irrelevant. We're all so caught up in our own drama that we barely notice how badly we're ruining our reputations.
The Church universal, it seems, is as broken today as the world we're trying to save.
As one very timely example, look at this list of common American denominations and their positions on human life. The number that believes it is okay to end a God-given life in the womb is mind boggling. As if that's not enough, we can't even agree on the simple basics of our faith, like the nature of the Atonement.
I can't figure it out.
That's not to say that the Church in Rome is any better -- look at our Mass attendance down to a quarter of the faithful in this country, those that don't know what the Eucharist is, those that support all kinds of insanity in the liturgy, and still others on the conservative end that believe the Ordinary Form (post-Vatican II Mass) is dysfunctional at best and abominable at worst.
There has been no better time than for a movement like this. I know what a lot of people say, but if we hope to move forward and piece together these shards, we need to work together, and we need to pray together.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Taking Stock of Everything
Hi. It's been a while for me. Sorry about that -- I was blessed with kidney stones right after the new year, and once that was resolved, there was a freelance assignment due. My editor was kind enough to suspend my deadline while the agony subsided. I'm fine now, thankfully, and am ready to get back in business here.
This week has been more difficult than I could have ever anticipated. On Monday we got the news that a friend I graduated with made the decision to end his life. He had a brilliant mind and a great heart, and while we weren't especially close, we shared best friends. Seeing three of them lined up in a pew last night at the viewing, all of them broken in grief, moved me to tears of my own.
I learned something very important in that moment. As Christians, our worldview is completely focused on joy. We are forward-thinkers. Many of the people at this viewing were atheists lost in complete despair because there was nothing after the death of our friend to hope for.
This mindset of hope has been so crucial to me this week. There have been more than one family crisis, and by the time I got home from having drinks with my friends, I felt crushed under the weight of it all.
I offered up a tired prayer this morning that I would find solace in the confessional. That was answered.
And afterward, a bigger reach: "Lord, I need to be reminded in a very big way that sticking with You is still worth it."
The readings today were all about strength. And our pastor's homily was surprisingly candid, about our first interaction with others being about acceptance as the person is, not doctrine and judgment. That Christianity at its core is a relationship with Christ, and that's the message we should be sending. Hope and love.
Without getting into details, it hit home. I felt like God was reminding me where my priorities belong. I cast my cares on Him and left happy.
This week, more than ever, I know how to be grateful.
This week has been more difficult than I could have ever anticipated. On Monday we got the news that a friend I graduated with made the decision to end his life. He had a brilliant mind and a great heart, and while we weren't especially close, we shared best friends. Seeing three of them lined up in a pew last night at the viewing, all of them broken in grief, moved me to tears of my own.
I learned something very important in that moment. As Christians, our worldview is completely focused on joy. We are forward-thinkers. Many of the people at this viewing were atheists lost in complete despair because there was nothing after the death of our friend to hope for.
This mindset of hope has been so crucial to me this week. There have been more than one family crisis, and by the time I got home from having drinks with my friends, I felt crushed under the weight of it all.
I offered up a tired prayer this morning that I would find solace in the confessional. That was answered.
And afterward, a bigger reach: "Lord, I need to be reminded in a very big way that sticking with You is still worth it."
The readings today were all about strength. And our pastor's homily was surprisingly candid, about our first interaction with others being about acceptance as the person is, not doctrine and judgment. That Christianity at its core is a relationship with Christ, and that's the message we should be sending. Hope and love.
Without getting into details, it hit home. I felt like God was reminding me where my priorities belong. I cast my cares on Him and left happy.
This week, more than ever, I know how to be grateful.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Ending on a high note
I've got to be quick because I'm going out in just a few minutes. I'm spending the night with my closest guy friends from high school; we've done this every year since I was about 13. I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else.
New Year's Eve has always been a very weird, sensitive time of year -- when I first began my spiritual journey, it was this night when my then-partner told me he was cutting himself. A few weeks before that, I had made the decision to walk away from the occult, one that would leave me completely empty-handed and powerless.
It took me a long time to realize that the answer to all of that was Christ, but I did eventually figure that out. It will be five years ago tomorrow morning that I laid in my bed at 16, stared at the ceiling and told God to take over.
I'm a different person now, though I guess that's to be expected given the way people mature in their teens, but my life philosophy is totally different. There was very little driving me back then, only how to get everything I wanted and doing it all my way. I was both very shallow and very selfish.
Now, it's funny. I still have my moments, and often most of my troubles come when I wrestle control back from God insisting that I have the right answers. But in every moment I humble myself, suck it up and remember where my heart belongs, things always straighten out.
It's hard to believe that about a year ago I was teetering on the edge of nihilism and disbelief. I never want to go through that again, ever.
My Mom-Mom is still with us by the grace of God, and relatively stable, too. Both she and my Grandma were able to spend the day with my family on Christmas morning. I can remember the tears a few weeks before that, when she had said last Christmas would be her last. She was wrong, and I've thanked God every day since for the time we've gotten. My cat, too, is hanging in there, scrawny as could be but as the vet said yesterday, "She's 14. She looks damn good." ;)
And my faith has slowly but surely come around, and I dare say I feel stronger than ever before. The change came in the summer when I learned to be grateful for every blessing that comes my way, no matter how small or trivial. Couple that with fall retreat and learning to orient my life in the present moment, and I'm so happy to feel like myself, truly myself, for the first time in a long time.
Of course, I do have a lot of regrets. I lost my best friend this year, and I mourn that every day, but I still believe that for now, this is what's best. I know we pray for each other and that God and time works a lot of healing. That's all the reassurance I need. A lot of people that were in my life last year are no longer so close, mostly thanks to distance and time, but the ones closest to me have been phenomenal. I'm very lucky.
Here I am, on the eve of my graduation year with a budding freelance career and plenty of avenues to explore when May comes. The road ends here, but now's the time for me to blaze my own path. I'm ready.
Happy New Year, everyone!
New Year's Eve has always been a very weird, sensitive time of year -- when I first began my spiritual journey, it was this night when my then-partner told me he was cutting himself. A few weeks before that, I had made the decision to walk away from the occult, one that would leave me completely empty-handed and powerless.
It took me a long time to realize that the answer to all of that was Christ, but I did eventually figure that out. It will be five years ago tomorrow morning that I laid in my bed at 16, stared at the ceiling and told God to take over.
I'm a different person now, though I guess that's to be expected given the way people mature in their teens, but my life philosophy is totally different. There was very little driving me back then, only how to get everything I wanted and doing it all my way. I was both very shallow and very selfish.
Now, it's funny. I still have my moments, and often most of my troubles come when I wrestle control back from God insisting that I have the right answers. But in every moment I humble myself, suck it up and remember where my heart belongs, things always straighten out.
It's hard to believe that about a year ago I was teetering on the edge of nihilism and disbelief. I never want to go through that again, ever.
My Mom-Mom is still with us by the grace of God, and relatively stable, too. Both she and my Grandma were able to spend the day with my family on Christmas morning. I can remember the tears a few weeks before that, when she had said last Christmas would be her last. She was wrong, and I've thanked God every day since for the time we've gotten. My cat, too, is hanging in there, scrawny as could be but as the vet said yesterday, "She's 14. She looks damn good." ;)
And my faith has slowly but surely come around, and I dare say I feel stronger than ever before. The change came in the summer when I learned to be grateful for every blessing that comes my way, no matter how small or trivial. Couple that with fall retreat and learning to orient my life in the present moment, and I'm so happy to feel like myself, truly myself, for the first time in a long time.
Of course, I do have a lot of regrets. I lost my best friend this year, and I mourn that every day, but I still believe that for now, this is what's best. I know we pray for each other and that God and time works a lot of healing. That's all the reassurance I need. A lot of people that were in my life last year are no longer so close, mostly thanks to distance and time, but the ones closest to me have been phenomenal. I'm very lucky.
Here I am, on the eve of my graduation year with a budding freelance career and plenty of avenues to explore when May comes. The road ends here, but now's the time for me to blaze my own path. I'm ready.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Friday, December 24, 2010
'Twas the night before Christmas...
...And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us. Talk about Christmas gifts. Have a wonderful, blessed Christmas; I'm off to spend it with my family. :)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Little Reminders
Since Advent, I've been doing this six-minute devotional given to us by the pastor of the university parish. To be honest, it's been pretty shallow thus far, but every now and then it gives me something important to think about, like a recent post about people we need to forgive.
Last night, after spending the evening with a friend who will graduate with me, I had to admit that those old apprehensions about May came back in full force, and with it, so did the rest of my worries.
I tried to pray it out, but it was no good -- I just couldn't shake my blues. Finally, I told God that I knew He was still taking care of me and that was that.
A few hours later, I read my devotional for the day, and was amazed at what I found.
Mary and Joseph probably had no idea what they were getting into when she was first pregnant with that little boy. At 14 she likely never dreamed that her life would be surrounded by miracles, that a sword would pierce her own heart as she watched her only Son be rejected by mostly everyone, only to be executed as a criminal.
But then again, the book said, she never knew He would conquer death and become the hope of all mankind, either.
All they could do was surrender themselves with complete confidence to whatever God would want of them. And while it might have been a mess, they always had the strength they needed to get though each day, one at a time.
One day at a time.
I shook my head, laughed, and went to sleep happy. He really is taking care of me.
Last night, after spending the evening with a friend who will graduate with me, I had to admit that those old apprehensions about May came back in full force, and with it, so did the rest of my worries.
I tried to pray it out, but it was no good -- I just couldn't shake my blues. Finally, I told God that I knew He was still taking care of me and that was that.
A few hours later, I read my devotional for the day, and was amazed at what I found.
Mary and Joseph probably had no idea what they were getting into when she was first pregnant with that little boy. At 14 she likely never dreamed that her life would be surrounded by miracles, that a sword would pierce her own heart as she watched her only Son be rejected by mostly everyone, only to be executed as a criminal.
But then again, the book said, she never knew He would conquer death and become the hope of all mankind, either.
All they could do was surrender themselves with complete confidence to whatever God would want of them. And while it might have been a mess, they always had the strength they needed to get though each day, one at a time.
One day at a time.
I shook my head, laughed, and went to sleep happy. He really is taking care of me.
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