This week, Brian and I have escaped to Charlotte, NC to spend some time together and visit with a few Phatmass friends.
The Papists, as I'll call them, are a wonderfully devout couple with a young, growing family. There are four children from 8 years old to 5 months old, and it amazed me just how much I've learned so far...
Naturally, I hope to raise my own children with love for God and for their fellow man, but I've never really thought about what that would look like in daily life. With Papist and his wife, I've gotten to see how one family does it.
We went out together tonight, just the four of us, to drink and talk and learn from each other. The conversation turned to starting our own family, and a thick lump of fear hardened in my throat.
The two of them are so open to life and to God. It humbles me, sometimes to the point of conviction, where I am brought low by my hidden selfishness and lack of trust.
Part of me feels like I need to live like that. Assuming I have 25 years of fertility left, I should prepare my heart at least for the possibility of more children than I want today.
As the discussion unfolded around me and I caught sight of the joy in Brian's eyes, a storm of grief brewed inside of me.
God, please open my heart. Please help me to want to give of myself.
We got back to their house just in time for the little ones to go to bed. As soon as we walked in, the kids screamed our names and ran for us with an accompanying shower of hugs and kisses.
All of us went upstairs for prayer time.
In those few minutes together, we were allowed to witness something both very intimate and so special. We got to listen to the honest prayers of the children.
You have never lived until you've heard a 2-year-old pray. Brian and I were both moved to quiet tears.
We let the Papists retire then, offering to read bedtime stories to the four of them. The entire day was full of wrestling and giggles, and this moment was no different. We were spent by the time they were in bed, but our hearts were full.
In these simple, ordinary moments, God is continuing to stretch my heart and help me embrace His call to marriage ... He is casting out my fear with His love.
I love my new little friends. But more than that, I love what He has done through their love.