Speak

Two weeks ago, the Church celebrated the beginning of the Jubilee Year of St. Paul. As we mark the 2000th year since the birth of history's greatest evangelist, there will be a great deal of attention paid to his writings, work, and ministry.

For me, I'm starting to wonder if it will mean more than just Bible studies of the Pauline letters with my other half.

As you may or may not know, I've always had a very difficult time talking about my Faith with other people. This is mostly because my spiritual life is such an intimate part of me; to share that with others would be making myself vulnerable to a level that I usually only allow my confessor to see in the presence of God. The other part is natural, and what I hope is understandable: a fear of rejection. I know we are supposed to willingly shake the dust from our feet, but as a young Christian I still carry a lot of reservations and fear.

Lately, though, situations have arisen in my personal life where I can't stay silent. I hate the way I feel when I try to dodge the topic, but I love the adrenaline rush that comes from defending and upholding the Truth given to us through Christ and His Church. My confessor once mused that the Church is losing people because those of us in her aren't willing to defend her; instead, we are letting people walk on us, over us, and ultimately away from us.

That shouldn't be. And, as frightened as I may be, I can't let it happen because of my sins, particularly those of omission. Not on my watch.

Every night, every day, I find that I have nothing I can say.
So I stand here in silence, awaiting Your guidance
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard;
Let them be Your words.

So give me words to speak,
Don't let my spirit sleep,
'Cause I can't think of anything worth saying,
But I know that I owe You my life.

--Aaron Shust, "Give Me Words to Speak"