A Very Acceptable Time

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.

I have a feeling that this Lent is going to be eventful for me. Eventful, and very productive. I'd love it if I emerged at Easter 47 days from now a bit less tied down by the roller coaster of my worries.

For starters, I'm going to get eight hours of sleep a night, no excuses. I think that a healthier sleep cycle will make everything else a whole lot easier.

My friend Megan and I are going to embark on some kind of Biblical journey together, too. She's mentioned something about a devotion to the shoulder wound of Christ, the wound that was formed as he carried the cross and all of our burdens.

It seems like it's just what I need.

I sit here now with a grilled cheese and a smudge on my head, a walking and talking "I'm Catholic!" sign. Last year, it was scary. This year, it was pretty fun.

There's never been a better time for change -- the second reading even said so. Rather than blanching this year, I'm embracing this opportunity. I'm not going to squander it.

For now, it's time for some much-needed food.

Courage

Lent is coming.

Lent is coming with all of its somber, relentless reminders that if we're going to walk this road, if we're really going to follow Christ, we've got to go to Calvary and die.

I don't like that. I've never liked that, and I'm not about to start. This woman's no masochist.

So, I pull up my big girl pants and do what the Gospel asks of me -- pick up the cross and follow. And now and again it gets way too heavy for me, and I drop it or fall on my face. Most of the time, it's both.

And then I run as far and as fast as I can, telling myself that I just need to get away from the burden of it for a little while until I can clear my head and get my courage back. If there's one thing I've needed in the last five years, it's courage. When I lose it, I crash. What you see instead is a pretty little brave face, but I've only been really good at faking it onstage. ;)

Okay, enough with the metaphors. I ran myself into the ground for the millionth time last week, after a month solid of ignoring it. Vice gets my mind off the fact that life is hard. It also gets me into a mess. That was fun in the confessional.

It's dealt with now and behind me. Redemption is still fresh in my soul. But...the cross is still sitting there, and I know it's time to get moving.

Yet all I can do is stand there and look at it. That's too bad, because in 24 hours I'll be "rending my heart" and starting the long journey to Easter.

Maybe somewhere along the way, I'll find my courage again.

Unexpected Surprise

At the beginning of this week, I sat at my computer desk like a sack of potatoes, nursing cramps and trying hard to console myself with sushi. It's been a weird few days -- a faith-based documentary we critiqued in a class led to a small crisis, but eventually, I got some interesting news.

There was a job opening in my field, and I was encouraged by the person who was supervising it to come in for an interview. This person knows me well. No application or resume was necessary.

After a 90 minutes of questions -- both from the relevant editors and many from me -- I left there with a job. A real job, post-graduation.

Blessed be God!

The position is a bit more than I would have expected for part-time work. OK, maybe a lot more. It has taken me this long to answer the question of whether or not I was even ready for this. While not getting into too much detail, I'm going to be in charge of a small publication that is released once a month with a daily paper. This means I get to brainstorm all of the content, implement the steps necessary for getting the content done, and coming up with photo ideas. All this needs to be finished months in advance of the publication date, just in case something goes wrong...which in journalism, things are wont to do.

I walked out of the newsroom and my mom asked if I was going to be sick. See, I thought I was going to be writing obituaries. This huge, amazing opportunity completely blindsided me and I was completely overwhelmed with emotions.

The night before, I had asked God to do whatever He felt was best for me. And then that happened.

So, if this is what's intended for me, I have no doubt I'll succeed. All I need is time to learn and adjust.

And faith.

Feasts and Seasons

I can't sleep. Like it or not, this time of year leaves me so unsettled. I grit my teeth and keep on. After last year, I know what this is and how to deal. For that, I'm thankful.

This week, we've had an unusual spike in warm weather; this has come in the midst of one of the harshest winters I can recall, at least temperature-wise. The appearance of 60s on the TV screen stirred something dormant in me, and I could have burst out of my skin once I got out of the house. (I did shed my coat in about 20 seconds.)

The warmth still hasn't melted all of the ice and snow, however. In fact, outside of Newman remains a stretch of ice several feet long and a good inch thick.

Still, as I soaked up the sun today with my first iced latte of the year, I couldn't help but note that shift in winter that means there's light at the end of the tunnel.

It always brings me back to the Wheel of the Year, even though my days of observing it are well behind me now. I've always found incredible peace and comfort in its rhythm and celebrations of the changing seasons. Now, it doesn't surprise me that I take that same comfort in the liturgical calendar. In both faiths, the cycle keeps me grounded and moving forward.

I'm still hyper-aware on the Pagan sabbats that share the day with Church feasts. Of course, the Presentation was celebrated a few weeks ago; I immediately thought of Imbolc and its rituals, of Brighid and her priestesses keeping the sacred fire alive. The two holy days are both on Feb. 2.

We were exactly halfway through the winter that day. Outside, the snow that has clung stubbornly to the ground since Christmas was melting into muddy piles of slush. Soon, I told myself. Not too much longer, and we'll be out of hibernation.

Ostara will come, then a month later spring's first full moon, and Easter just after it.

The whole world -- body and soul, physical and spiritual -- will come alive again.

It never ceases to amaze me. :)

Against the Grain

I would be remiss if I didn't talk a little bit about the retreat last weekend, which was a lot of fun. The mansion holds so many memories for the upperclassmen who have been there before, and it was particularly meaningful for the seniors graduating in just a few months.

The topic for the retreat focused on living an authentically Catholic sexuality as a young adult. Heaven knows anyone trying to avoid the prevalence of lust and greed in the media is going to have a hard time. We all do, and this weekend we were given tools to make the fight to stay pure a little less agonizing.

It's the job of the media to inform and educate our audiences, but we also carry the added responsibility of influence. Whether we mean it or not, audiences take their cues from TV, print media, and the Web. And unless you've been living in a cave for the last few decades, you've probably seen how pervasive and damaging some of the content is.

Drugs. Excessive drinking. Meaningless sex with any number of people in any number of ways. Objectification. Oppression. Bullying. Violence.

There's also the porn industry, which due to its sheer size and spread deserves a category of its own. Understand, the Church sees sex as the most intimate, holy thing that two people can give to each other. They give themselves freely and fully, without reserve and with complete trust. Sex has incredible power over humanity, and it has the potential to create and bond, or destroy and demean. It's not something you want to mess around with, (This, in a nutshell, is why we take strong positions against extramarital sex and birth control.)

One of the poignant moments of the weekend for me was when we split into groups by gender for a private discussion. For the ladies, we all expressed frustration with the way virginity is stigmatized. If you've not had sex by the time you're about 25, most of the world considers you doomed or somehow defective. And porn has created an inaccurate picture of what sex is, and who women are. Many of us carry the secret that we have been made into victims and objects because of it. More than anything, women want to stand up and support the men in our life as they try to honor us. And at the end of the day, we only want to be honored, too.

Check out this clip from the ABC hit drama Grey's Anatomy. It came up in our discussion and accurately shows the way virginity is treated today:



It was super encouraging to be surrounded by 15 women who all support each other, even when we screw up. And I'm so blessed to have met many strong, Catholic gentlemen who are on the front lines defending our dignity. One day, I believe God will point one out to me.

Until then, I'm a 21-year-old virgin. I've been single for over a year. And you know, it's not so bad.

And now, for something completely different...

I have to hold my breath and cross my fingers behind my back to even write this next sentence:

My faith is strong these days. (Of course, my inner skeptic is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I digress.)

Advent and Christmas is always a wonderful time of year for me, but I usually approach the weeks that follow it with dread. I tend to go as bare and cold as the trees do, and after last year's adventure into nihilism, I was bracing myself for Something Ugly. It hasn't come, and I'm thanking God for every second of this unexpected calm.

I've been introduced twice now to a young adult group at a parish that's about ten minutes from campus. They're 18-25 year olds, most of them local, but some travel from all over because of their reputation.

You all know how I hate to sound cosmic, but allow it this once: the Spirit moves something fierce with these guys. And I confess that you will hardly ever find that at Newman, as much as I love them.

They come at the perfect time, as it seems God always works out for me. When I graduate, I'll no longer be allowed at Newman because it's a ministry for the university. But with ACTS, I know I am already finding a new home. I often asked myself until just recently how I would ever be able to transition from complete independence in my faith decisions to living back home where I depend on my parents. I think I have my answer.

I was going to write more on this, but for now, I'm leaving for my last(!!!!) retreat with Newman. It's snowing up at the mansion, so we're all very excited to be up in the hills. As always, your prayers would be most appreciated. I'll see you next week!

Media and the March

I want to talk about an event that consistently makes an impact on both the Christian and secular world: the March for Life held annually in Washington, D.C. But this time, you won't hear me talking about the Church's stance on abortion.

My issue this time is with my colleagues in the media.

First, some background: after the resolution of Roe vs. Wade and its companion case, Doe v. Bolton in 1973, the right to terminate a pregnancy on demand was declared a constitutional right for all.

One year later, anti-abortion advocates gathered at the Supreme Court to protest the decision and demand its reversal. They have done so every year since with increasing numbers, diversity and passion.

The 38th annual March for Life was held this past Monday, with an estimated 400,000 people, 50 members of the House of Representatives and one senator in attendance.

That's almost half a million people.

But ironically, you would never notice this by turning on the evening news or opening up the paper in the following days.

In fact, the media has been consistently notorious for avoiding any mention of the March, and when it is covered, the information presented is usually misrepresented and biased.

Let me say clearly that I'm not speaking as a Catholic as I write this. I'm speaking as a journalist who is confused by the almost universal error in judgment.

To show you what I mean, here is a traditional list of the eight elements of newsworthiness that have been drilled into my head since I was 18. Since then, I've done tons of exercises in the classroom to root out these elements in current events.

There is plenty of conflict in this story, one that has remained close to the top of political debates for decades now. And it was obviously timely with the anniversary of such a landmark set of cases.

The sheer number of people and delegates rallying at the Capitol and in smaller gatherings nationwide (like the Walk for Life West Coast in California) fulfills consequence and prominence -- it's hard to get half a million people to do much of anything, let alone gather for one cause.

Abortion is an issue that stirs the emotions of people on both sides of the debate, and affects every single person who has a child. That's something that appeals to human interest.

We can also say it's a good variety story because of the diversity of the people present. Christians from many denominations that typically argue over doctrine came together to pray. Feminists, men, old people, tens of thousands of youth of every race were all present. A friend who was there told me that he even saw a sign that read "Atheist Anarchists for Life."

So...that's six out of eight. Where was the coverage? Aside from Catholic broadcasting outlets like EWTN, it's anybody's guess. Do a Google search. Where are the prominent news names we expect to see?

Why are we letting our audience down?

The Great Divide

ETA: Fixed a broken link. 25 Jan. 2011

This week has been set aside in churches across denominational lines as the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity.

It's almost funny, though, that these days we're about as divided as it gets. Our chaplain made an excellent point tonight that the rest of the world looks to everyone who proclaims Christ as their example of what Christianity is ... and all we do is bicker, nitpick, and judge.

It's no wonder that so many dismiss us as irrelevant. We're all so caught up in our own drama that we barely notice how badly we're ruining our reputations.

The Church universal, it seems, is as broken today as the world we're trying to save.

As one very timely example, look at this list of common American denominations and their positions on human life. The number that believes it is okay to end a God-given life in the womb is mind boggling. As if that's not enough, we can't even agree on the simple basics of our faith, like the nature of the Atonement.

I can't figure it out.

That's not to say that the Church in Rome is any better -- look at our Mass attendance down to a quarter of the faithful in this country, those that don't know what the Eucharist is, those that support all kinds of insanity in the liturgy, and still others on the conservative end that believe the Ordinary Form (post-Vatican II Mass) is dysfunctional at best and abominable at worst.

There has been no better time than for a movement like this. I know what a lot of people say, but if we hope to move forward and piece together these shards, we need to work together, and we need to pray together.

Taking Stock of Everything

Hi. It's been a while for me. Sorry about that -- I was blessed with kidney stones right after the new year, and once that was resolved, there was a freelance assignment due. My editor was kind enough to suspend my deadline while the agony subsided. I'm fine now, thankfully, and am ready to get back in business here.

This week has been more difficult than I could have ever anticipated. On Monday we got the news that a friend I graduated with made the decision to end his life. He had a brilliant mind and a great heart, and while we weren't especially close, we shared best friends. Seeing three of them lined up in a pew last night at the viewing, all of them broken in grief, moved me to tears of my own.

I learned something very important in that moment. As Christians, our worldview is completely focused on joy. We are forward-thinkers. Many of the people at this viewing were atheists lost in complete despair because there was nothing after the death of our friend to hope for.

This mindset of hope has been so crucial to me this week. There have been more than one family crisis, and by the time I got home from having drinks with my friends, I felt crushed under the weight of it all.

I offered up a tired prayer this morning that I would find solace in the confessional. That was answered.

And afterward, a bigger reach: "Lord, I need to be reminded in a very big way that sticking with You is still worth it."

The readings today were all about strength. And our pastor's homily was surprisingly candid, about our first interaction with others being about acceptance as the person is, not doctrine and judgment. That Christianity at its core is a relationship with Christ, and that's the message we should be sending. Hope and love.

Without getting into details, it hit home. I felt like God was reminding me where my priorities belong. I cast my cares on Him and left happy.

This week, more than ever, I know how to be grateful.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Hello, 2011!!!!